My son recently obtained custody of his 3 year old son after a 2 year custody battle. So the more you attack her, the more he'll defend her. My son dated a young woman 4 years ago that my husband and I really disapproved of. Then things got even worse. We had work of our own to do. He has began college on a full scholarship but lives at home. Although it is disheartening, it also gives me a sense of support - as this subject has been one that has been very difficult to handle for the past 2 years in my house. Sadly, especially sons, they do break away at some point. I have been helping my mom during this time. He owes his other brothers between the two of them close to 8,000! His Grandparents are elderly and it's unfair that they are having to go through this again. Young boys with low self-esteem are attracted to girls that make them feel good about themselves. We expressed that it wasn't that we didn't like this girl as a person and that we understood that everyone is "broken" in some wayand some people are worth fixingand that everyone deserves to be lovedbut this woman needs to fit into his life, his lifestyle, which includes his family. Two days later, the mom calls to ask me to go to lunch "since the kidss are going to be together". The easiest way to break tension is to share a laugh. Always bragging. Kimberly Atkins from Cameron, NC on May 26, 2018: This article gave me a different perspective and some things to consider on my sons relationship. I mean, I . Also, she was told that when my son leaves for work in the mornings, she must leave at the same time. Whatever you do, don't meet this girl's bad behavior with more bad behavior. It's no longer about what you want for him or what you think is best for him. I even renovated her house and spent lots of money but now there is a problem when i support my girlfriend. then when his guy friends tried to warn him, he "lost touch" with them. Love your son without forcing ultimatums. All she talks about is herself. We'll look at the advantages and disadvantages of growing up in the digital age. What she doesn't know won't hurt her, and so she can continue being the sweet, considerate future daughter-in-law and melt away your mother's disapproval with kindness in time. I can't undo what I said to my son about my concerns about the neglect and stealing of clothing. does not see any of these issues we are having with her, Love is blind I know. We'd love to add it to our calendar. I always told my kids that if they wanted to "play house" with a lover than they needed to own up to all the responsibilities that comes with that privilege. We feel so sorry for him as it is obvious at times he feels so pulled from pillar to post. On the other hand, my father likes my girlfriend a lot, he even called me and recently told me that my girlfriend checked him when he was admitted to hospital. I feel so hurt and don't know what to do. If he were going to give his own son advice if he were going to marry a woman like his fianc, what would he say to his son? This way, he'll learn quick that you are not controlling or directing his choices. The scary part is - now that he is doing well and fully supporting her - it is gonna be 10 times harder to get rid of her. He messaged me the following morning and told us he had given his girlfriend an ultimatum as her ex partner was always going round to see his child. He has never been pressured to study anything he does not want to - made his own choices & is supported in his hobbies & passions; which she is not really supporting as they take time from her. I said okay, but changed his mind and said, give me $30 instead because I want to treat "the girl" with me! In fact, I discovered later, the picture was taken several years earlier. As parents, there can be clear signs that my sons girlfriend is manipulative. I know you have concerns about your son getting into a serious relationship so young, but isn't your top priority your son's happiness? I treated her like a daughter (I don't have a daughter). Plus she nevers smiles. That bugs me toooooo death !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1. I didn't critize her when she relayed through my son, how mean it was of me to overlook doing something for her to celebrate her first mother's day. Parenting teenagers is not easy, but understanding the issues they struggle with can help everyone involved. Be sure that whatever you say is not your opinion but stick to facts. Another essential step you should consider is scheduling consistent family time. He is an adult and doesn't seem to be concerned about her sitting around smoking all day, not cleaning up or contributing to the bills. However, when viewed through your son's eyes, you're disapproving of his relationship with the girl he loves. The time to say your peace is before they reach the altar. It's clear our son spends a great deal of time and energy taking care of his girlfriend and making her feel secure and content, although she is rarely content for long. Will she take him away from us? He asked us a few weeks ago to apologise to his girlfriend as she heard our telephone conversation about our concerns that she was using him against her ex partner. The only thing that saved him is that the kids were in another state. She pretends that she does not see me or ignores me. Things continued to worsen. Lori Phillips (author) from Southern California USA on March 13, 2018: To Gigi: You've already done something that I wouldn't have done. A parent lets go of her child at several stages of development, allowing the child to grow up and eventually become independent. I will definitely implement the advice herein, and it will definitely bring about positive results. "The key is to start from . Say, "We want to like her. If he really wanted to help her, he would pull her UP and not let her drag him down. Do not address the negative comments that she is making to others or she will have to defend herself and she'll get resentful towards your fianc. We did this due to her poor attitude and disrespect towards me and my fiance. However, this shouldnt deter you from educating him about healthy relationships, especially if you have the feeling that my sons girlfriend is manipulative. I am new to mumsnet, and I'm not actually a woman, hope this isn't an issue. Generally, women who go into nursing are very nurturing, patient and compassionate people. Based on information shared with me she was still residing with the other man. Her cooking did not last. She is disrespectful, leaves things all over the place, waste food, milk..etc, she is rude to anyone that is not one of her few personal friends and she only has a couple. OTOH, I personally did not know anyone from my group of friends, or relatives, or coworkers around my age who owned a house by their "late 20s" and I can not think of any of my children's friends, co-workers adult children, nieces or nephews who owned a house before their early or mid 30s (or even later). We asked to meet him last weekend, we travelled a long way to visit him but he text and told us he was busy with her and her son. I thought this was bad enough! Others may feel you are not looking for a job when you are looking for many and get disheartened. It is too much to even write. This is his first true long term sexual relationship at 19 years, so obviously this is having an affect on him. I pointed out that she will get you to pay for both of her kids and any she has for you. If they are spending much time together and less time on school or other activities. The cops that responded to her police call informed her that it was a civil matter. She sent me a horrible message asking me why I am doing this and it's not fair. "Nice" young ladies/girls can have sexual hang-ups. "She might have been born poor but that made her humble unlike the other women I've met who are materialistic and vain. How about when your son is abusive to his girlfriend treats her like crap hits her slaps her does horrible things to her and he blames her. So my question is, what should I do? We have asked he try to have a few days apart from her solely for his own mental health,self time for hobbies and study. The reality is that no matter what I did or you do, this girlfriend whoever she is, is there for a reason in your life. 65 Likes, TikTok video from Ryan The Lion (@ryantrout1): "Me when my girlfriend doesn't want to hang out with me". What d you do in this case ? They come in and the girlfriend holds up a pregnancy test. He might insist that he "loves" her so do not challenge that. Our son too has had freedom to go out with curfews till 18. I greatly appreciate your feedback. I don't want to talk to my son. To initiate that conversation, Burns suggested positioning yourself as a buffer to help break the ice between your lover and your loved ones. I was working a temporary job and since he was the only one working a full-time permanent job, I asked him to stay with me and help with the bills. Then, we told him that we loved him and if he was sure, we would back him up and love his wife, too, but before he made that choice, we begged him to listen to what we had to say. The first meeting was at a hotel because at the time my son was going through a series of tests for a career choice. However, in the future, do your very best not to direct your anger towards him or his girlfriend. The hard part is hoping your son will wake up before making any lifelong commitment to this girl. Well, he told her and the woman blasted my sweet friend (and me) on social media so that the world could see!! If she comes with serious emotional baggage, including mental or physical illness or addictions and he loves her enough to take her as is, you need to step aside and allow him to walk the life path he chooses. The parents only work a few hours a week because they are on state insurance and if they go over hour then they lose the insurance! They would argue and fight. My adult son's girlfriend never goes home she sits in his bedroom all day smoking while he's at work she's lazy and doesn't clean up after herself she pays no money towards bills. My son is my only child and he is a hard working young man and all she is doing is wasting his money and using him to look after her kids that belongs to two different men! I'm at a loss over what to do about my 23 year old son's older "fiance". So, if your sons girlfriend is manipulative, should you confront him? Teens today have it hard. No, do not encourage it either. He may make mistakes. You will not get far in discussing this with him or his girlfriend. They will become co-dependent. Still, it would be best if you were careful about how you approach the matter. So the gift and dinner out with my mom and that I had planned were canceled. I've never been invited into the house, I have to sit in the car on the side of the road. Three months to a 16-year-old sounds like eternity, and a broken girl like her will seek out another fixer. Keep the porch light on and the door unlocked. Be sure in your letter to tell him that there always, always, always will be an open door to your home and heart for him. Whenever I would tell my son anything, he then went back and told her about it. Like taking my younger sons things and hiding them in her dresser, stupid things like his hair gel and she seems extremely jealous of my younger sons close relationship with Tyler. How to Choose the Right Toddler Girl Outdoor Coat? My problem started when I noticed that my son was getting close to her. He does not seem concerned for his son's health and well-being. His roles and self-perceptions have changed. I tried to open up to her about certain topics, which got a little emotional due to my time of the month and she completely ignored me and started doing something else and ignored the fact that I was crying for help and comfort in a time of need. But shrug your shoulders and say, "It's your life. Once she wormed her way in, she stopped respecting my wishes and started rebelling as well (probably my son's influence). Recently, her family has started coming after her for child support and her mother is entitled to this since she is caring for her kids. she has anxiety issues and panic attacks and these are exacerbated by any contact with me. And he replied, that's okay Mom since u like her (the girl) anyway! But One day, my niece (she's my neighbor) was staying home. But those first loves are the hardest to get over. Your son is going to college so he is working towards a goal. It's a hormone thing in many people. My son sent me tx message saying he was sorry that he lied to me! It is very hurtful, but I will continue to invite both of them to spend time with us. Now I never see him or talk to him. You dont want to hurt his feelings, lose their trust or worse, and they will take you as a controlling parent. The human family is like a wolf pack. We never see him, though, and I see on facebook that they are constantly doing things together~just nothing with his side of the family. When he said that, then I reacted, I said why?.. My ex is coming down to try to talk with my son, but I fear she may do the same thing to him. But this is not just a girlfriend. He came back after a year, when I contacted him, told him we all loved him, missed him dearly and we enjoyed the next 18 months together as a family.
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